Dr. Michael Salzhauer has written a children’s book explaining why mommy is having plastic surgery. It targets children ages 4-7.

Frederic J. Baur, designer of the Pringles potato chip can, had his cremated remains buried in a Pringles can. They didn’t say if it had been used or not.

Smoking costs more in New York City. New taxes raised the price of a pack to $10.00. That’s fifty cents for each cigarette.

Lillian Cox of Florida, who is 101, got her driver’s license renewed for three years.

Speaking of ashes, somebody stole rocker Kurt Cobain’s ashes. Courtney Love, his widow, kept them in a bear-shaped handbag in her home. If the thief was expecting money to be in that bear handbag, I bet he was real surprised. I’d prefer the Pringle can myself.

Viagra is hugely popular in Arab countries. 35 million Arab men have used it at least 50 times.

 Spam is selling like hotcakes. Hormel says sales of Spam are up 9% this year. A lot of people think Spam was an Army food item in C-rations but it never was. But a lot of Spam was sent to Russia and the European countries during and after the war.

The Lantana, TX, police responded to an alarm at a convenience store to find that the newly-hired clerk thought the alarm button was a “fragrance button” to make the store smell better.

I bet you didn’t know this Dept:

Aperiodic patterns are tile patterns that never repeat.

An Indiana man drilled an oil well in his backyard. He struck oil and gets about three barrels of oil a day. He spent a hundred thousand dollars drilling it.

One in four children in the United States under 18 is Hispanic.

The latest woman’s purse thing is a Chanel 2.55 ankle bag just big enough to hold lip-gloss and a credit card. It costs a mere $1,385.00. You can order one at Chanel.com.

I bet you already knew this

Belgian researchers have proven that using a pretty girl in a bikini in an advertisement makes men spend money on anything.

John Speakman of the University of Aberdeen in the U.K. has studied people’s eating habits and found the reason people get fat is because they eat too much.

Science writer Faye Flam has written a book called The Score that says men chase after sex by engaging in risky activities to impress women. Her addition to the current conventional wisdom is that men have been doing it for thousands of years. No kidding!

Interesting New Stuff

A Swiss pilot named 'Yves Rossy' has invented a personal jet-powered flying wing. You just strap it on and fly off under the power of four small turbo-jet engines at speeds up to 186 miles per hour. He banked, turned, did figure eights and a 360-degree roll before he landed.  He said it was a lot like flying on a motorbike. It cost $285,000.00.

Playwright David Mamet is working on a couple of comic strips. One has a hero named “Napman.” Napman’s nemesis is Bugler. The other one has “Space Heron” whose nemesis is Fluffy, the Alarm Clock. Mamet writes for a living but he confesses he’d rather be a fireman.

Setting High Standards

Alanna McCauley of Queens, NY, has never missed a day of school since she started kindergarten in 1995. She graduated from St. Mary’s High School this year.

The Democratic Party won’t eat fried foods and won’t use plastic plates and bottles or imported food at their convention in Colorado. They specified only local and organic food served on recyclable and compostable plates, utensils and containers to feed 50,000 delegates, guests and journalists. I guess a lot of elk and buffalo meat will be consumed.

A New York Congressman, Anthony Weiner, introduced legislation to set aside 1,000 visas for international fashion models. The congressman is single.

Not setting High Standards

Schools around the country are changing grading policies to make 50 the lowest grade a student can make. You can’t get a 0 anymore. When I was going to school I couldn’t have anyway. My parents saw to that. Actually, as far as they were concerned, a 50 would have been just as bad. Educators said that the change would encourage better student performance.

With logic like that, it is apparent that today’s educators got a lot of below 50 grades themselves and felt bad about it. I guess they found it difficult to master hard subjects. Plus it’s hard to teach it if you don’t know it yourself. Just how low can our public education go before somebody does something?

The U.N. Special Rapporteur on Contemporary Forms of Racism, Racial Discrimination, Xenophobia and Related Intolerance (SRCFRRDXRI) is coming to the United States at the invitation of the United States Government. He will visit Washington D.C., New York, Chicago, Omaha, Los Angeles, New Orleans, Miami and San Juan in Puerto Rico. His mission is to “gather first hand information on racism in the United States. His name is Doudou Diene. He’s a lawyer. He’s from the African nation of Senegal!

Bennett Christensen, who is six years old, was approved for a credit card with a $600.00 limit. He listed his birth year as 2002 and his income as $0.00.

Global Warming gadfly, Al Gore’s, energy consumption at his spacious mansion increased 10% in 2007. He consumes 50% more electricity in a month than the average American uses in a year.

A high profile obscenity trial in Los Angeles was declared a mistrial when it was discovered that Judge Alex Kozinski maintains a pornographic website.

The police suspect that Julie Neumar murdered all five of her husbands. She contacted a North Carolina informer about doing a contract killing on her fourth husband. He reported it to the local police but nothing was done.

Pillsbury, North Dakota, is in a constitutional crisis because none of its 25 registered voters voted in the recent elections. “They just forgot,” incumbent Mayor Darrel Brudevold said.

It has been reported that nearly three out of five recent college graduates are returning home to live with mama and daddy. They have no dreams of their own, no aspirations and no desire for personal independence.

Another sign of the times: The out of wedlock birthrate in the U.S. is 38%. 28% for whites, 50 for Hispanics and 71% for blacks.

One in four adults in New York City is infected with genital herpes. No wonder former Governor Elliott Spitzer used high-end call girls.

A rash of Muslim girls are having plastic surgery done to return them to virginity before they marry.

Stuff Happens

In Tirana, Albania, a cat was chasing a mouse around a main electrical power station. They got tangled up in the cables and shorted the system out causing a three day blackout. The cat and the mouse got fried.

A new and devious secret weapon: Somebody in Russia launched a remote controlled flying penis  during an anti-government speech by Gary Kasparov, the famous chess champion. Kasparov said the stunt proved that his enemies would strike “below the belt.”

A 50 year-old Saudi woman is suing her husband for divorce because he lifted her veil and looked at her while she was sleeping. Think of the possibilities. Several women could pose as an Arab man’s wife and he might never know. The report didn’t mention why, after all these years, he had an urge to look at her. He has promised never to do it again. You and I know why.

Nicole Kidman’s husband, Keith Urban, took her to the Cracker Barrel Restaurant in Crossville, Tennessee. When she was served, she complained about the food and stormed out of the restaurant. He followed her outside and they had a heated argument. Men, aren’t you glad you aren’t married to her! 

A Croatian woman named Hediva Golik, who was missing for 42 years, has been found…in her home. Sitting in front of an old black and white television. Police finally broke down the door to her apartment and found her mummified corpse.

Just Plain Odd

A piglet in England who was scared of mud has been fitted with miniature rubber boots so he could frolic in the mud with his brothers and sisters.

John Odom, a minor league baseball pitcher, was traded to the Laredo Broncos by the Calgary Vipers for….ten maple baseball bats. His new nickname is “Bat Man.” Insiders say trading players for stuff is not that unusual. Players have been traded for uniforms, oysters and sides of beef.