Faint praise is better than no praise at all dept.

“Dinner at the Huntercombes possessed only two dramatic features. The wine was a farce and the food a tragedy.” Anthony Powell

Those clever high school students!

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays.

These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are last year's winners…..

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without  one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having  left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m., at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Things you never see in the news Department:

Butte, Montana November 5, 2007

Two illegal aliens, Raphael Resides, 23, and Enrico Garza, 26, probably believed they would easily overpower home-alone 11 year old Patricia Harrington after her father had left their two-story home.

It seems the two crooks never learned two things: they were in Montana and Patricia had been a clay shooting champion since she was nine.

Patricia was in her upstairs room when the two men broke through the front door of the house. She quickly ran to her father's room and grabbed his 12 gauge Mossberg 500 shotgun.

Resides was the first to get up to the second floor only to be the first to catch a near point blank blast of buckshot from the 11-year-old's  knee crouch aim. He suffered fatal wounds to his abdomen and genitals.

When Garza ran to the foot of the stairs, he took a blast to the left shoulder and staggered out into the street where he bled to death before medical help could arrive.

It was found out later that Resides was armed with a stolen 45 caliber handgun he took from another home invasion robbery. That victim, 50-year-old David Burien, was not so lucky. He died from stab wounds to the chest.

Ever wonder why good stuff never makes NBC, CBS, PBS, MSNBC, CNN, or ABC news……..an 11 year old girl, properly trained, defended her home, and herself……against two murderous, illegal immigrants…….and she wins, she is still alive.

You won’t see this either.

A new study in 830 workplaces of how effective mandatory diversity training was indicates that sensitivity seminars led to 12% declines of women and minorities in management.

Makes makes me realize just how sheltered my life has been.

A New York stockbroker sued a Manhattan Gentleman’s club claiming he was injured by a stripper during a lap dance. The married man in his 30’s said he was relaxing at the Hot Lap Dance Club when the dancer struck him in the eye with the heel of her shoe. For the life of me, I can’t figure out where the rest of her was if the heel of her shoe was in his eye.

Where lying is legal.

The Italian Supreme Court has ruled that Italians cannot be punished for lying about their love affairs. The case was about a woman who lent her cell phone to her lover so he could make harassing calls to her husband. During the police interrogation she told police she didn’t know who the caller was and she was indicted for obstructing justice. The court ruled that lying in cases like this is a matter of self-protection.

I have led a sheltered life.

Beware of who your organ donor is.

An English woman who had a kidney transplant acquired the donor’s highbrow tastes. The former nightclub bouncer used to read thrillers and movie magazines. Now she reads Austen and Dostoyevsky. She used to watch the soaps but now she prefers documentaries on the Egyptian pyramids. She says she can’t get enough of them and its weird.

George Orwell said:

“On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time.”

George Carlin said:

“It’s never just a game when you’re winning.”

The real estate crisis is real!

In Kingman Arizona you can buy a three-bedroom adobe home with skylights, a patio, a pool table and a three-car garage overlooking the 16th hole of a golf course for $369,000.00.

Must have jet ski

It can roll 360 degrees, plunge underwater and leap to the surface and mimic dolphins swimming. You can get yourself a 250-hp Innespace Seabreacher for a mere $70,000.00.

Be yourself.

French essayist Ls Rochefoucauld said disguising your true personality is counterproductive and could damage your health. He says that keeping up the act is inefficient and uses extra energy. It’s better to be yourself than try to be what you think your family, friends, your co-workers and your boss expects you to be. “Just be yourself,” is his advice.

I like some people better when they are not being themselves. You probably know a few of them too.

Newark NJ

Newark averages two murders per week. In February they had a 33-day stretch without a killing. The last time they went that long was in 1963.

Robert Orben on illegal immigration

“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”

Samuel Butler

“Humans are the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victim he intends to eat.”

Sign of the times

Man to his pregnant wife, “Honey, it’s the ob-gyn. Do we want to know if it’s mine or not?”

Drunk Poet

Li Po, the most imaginative of the 8th century Chinese poets was a notorious lush. He was once called to the emperor’s palace when he was too drunk to walk and had to be carried in on a chair. The emperor ordered him to compose on the spot a poem to the emperor’s favorite concubine, the plump and devious Lady Yang. Li dashed off the following verses on the spot. They were set to music and sung by the emperor playing a jade lute.

To drown the ancient sorrows,
we drank a hundred jugs of wine
there in the beautiful night.
We couldn't go to bed with the moon so bright.

The finally the wine overcame us
and we lay down on the empty mountain–
the earth for a pillow,
and a blanket made of heaven.
Lovely now together, his lady and his flowers.
Lighten forever the Emperor’s eye.

Li T’ai Po
701-762AD

Not bad for a drunken man I think.

Gene Alston

Topsail Island, NC - Captain Otway Burns, among many occupations during his lifetime serving the state of North Carolina, was a War of 1812 Privateer. Raised in Swansboro and often spending time upon Topsail Island, he was known to take a crew of over one hundred onto his small vessel, the Snap Dragon, when he went to sea to capture British merchant ships or to engage the British fleet in a tall sail ship battle.  The normal compliment of crew required for a vessel similar to the Snap Dragon was between ten and fifteen.  Due to a recent collaboration between the author and two of England’s leading historians known for their in-depth knowledge of specific areas of the War of 1812, new information has unfolded that may be a tale worth mentioning, dealing with Captain Burns and his crew.

Starting in the late summer of 1812, on behalf of the United States Navy, Captain Burns served as a Privateer for nearly twenty months.  During his time of service he was credited for capturing not less than thirty-five vessels—the largest with a value of one-half million dollars.  He also received a “bounty” for each enemy crewmember and slave captured.  He brought his “prizes” to various ports along the East Coast but, primarily kept to Wilmington, Top Sail Island, Beaufort and New Bern, N.C, if at all possible. 

During the war on the high seas, when an enemy ship was captured, there was a practice of placing your own crew onto the captured vessels and bring them into an American or neutral port.  This would allow a Privateer to remain at sea to capture more enemy vessels, hence, the need for a large number of crewmembers.  Captain Burns did not initiate this process but, he did master it.  Some of his personally appointed crew, however, who were set aboard the captured enemy vessels never finished their assigned duties—loosing captured bounty, vessel, and their own freedoms. 

When Captains of British vessels captured American ships and their crew, on occasion, shot those who they felt were traitors for not supporting the efforts of Her Majesty Queen of England.  On the open sea, captains often “exchanged” prisoners, for example, while in neutral ports or upon arrival to England or Nova Scotia, a British stronghold port during the war.

The most common act committed upon American prisoners was to send them to England to be held, in chains, upon Prison Barges or, one of the many prisons within England’s various ports—one of the most feared was Dartmoor Prison.  A story has been told about Captain Burns that while being chased, to avoid a battle between the Snap Dragon and a much larger, more armored British war ship, many of the crew of the Snap Dragon were in their quarters packing their belongings.  They were certain that at any minute they would be run down, captured and sent to Dartmoor Prison.

Captain Burns turned over his captured vessels to selected crewmembers.  After he gave precise orders to sail a route towards southern Florida then to follow the coast toward their home port, the prize and her American crew headed west on the open seas.   The Snap Dragon then went in search of other ships to battle and hopefully capture.  When Captain Burns returned home after his tours of four to six month at sea, jumping off of his vessel, the first place he would have gone was the customs office, to stake his claim on his prizes and receive his full payment due. 

One can easily imagine what mannarism and explosive language spoken by Burns when he was told that some of his prizes never arrived to port but, instead were recaptured and her crew taken as Prisoners of War (P.O.W.).  With local sympathizers for British victory in the war, living within Burns’ homeport of New Bern, N.C., word of where his men were taken was often known.  Most went to Dartmoor.  As the war was ending, interestingly, when the Snap Dragon was finally captured under the command of another Captain, her entire crew was immediately exchanged. 

Above right:  The Dartmoor Cemetary gate

It is the incarcerated crewmembers of the Snap Dragon, who faced the horrid conditions of prison barges or within England’s Dartmoor Prison we wish to address.  All served with honor.  The proof of such heroics is as follows: when the only thing an American prisoner had to do, which in most all cases would provide an instant dismissal of all charges and provide instant freedom, was to denounce America’s way of life and take an oath to Her Majesty.  An American P.O.W. preserved his strongest of will and remained Americans, which immediately caste them into the sub-levels of Dartmoor Prison among the vermin, dampness and disease.  Many of Captain Burns’ crew never made it out of Dartmoor Prison—to come home to their country, to feel the freedom they so well fought to gain, for all Americans.

Barbie Thompson, a noted and respected Historian and lecturer, living in England contacted me pertaining to my previous research paper in which I wrote an article for Topsail Info Internet site dealing with a local captured civilian, who had been placed upon a British Prison Barge.  In turn, as any good Historian, I asked her if she was acquainted with the Snap Dragon or knew of any files, in England’s various archives or museums, that might shed light on the captured crewmembers of Captain Burns’ vessel.  Over a short period of time Ms. Thompson provided images and a point of contact. 

I was informed by Ms. Thompson that a Mr. Ron Roy, former Director and Historian of Dartmoor Prison Museum, now retired, has intimate details of what occurred within Dartmoor Prison during the American Revolution and events that took place during the War of 1812. He toured the United States on numerous occasions, lecturing on the topic.  Barbie Thompson then wrote and told me an interesting aspect of war and, how as time went by, feelings changed from a period of hatred toward defiant Americans to a time where old battle wounds healed and brotherhood became common placed.

I found out, through the greatest of assistance of Barbie Thompson, that Dartmoor Prison has a P.O.W. cemetery just within the gates of the prison.  Within this now honored site is a section of graves of American Prisoners who now lay at rest, in peace.  In addition, nearby, there is a large statue honoring those Americans who died within the prison grounds.  In the early twentieth century the museum placed a plaque upon its main door in memory of American prisoners. 

Left:  The American Prisoner's Monument

Within the list of names that were compiled by Ron Joy and his associates are late crewmembers of the Snap Dragon.  Upon reviewing the provided list of names, however, I discovered additional North Carolinians that appeared on the death roster.  As in other wars or conflicts Americans have fought, some veterans never come home.  I am proud, along with the staff of the TopSail Island Info, to present a list of sailors who fought and died for their country’s freedoms, freedoms that they themselves never obtained.

As I end this article, I ponder on how Captain Burns may have acted or thought while he was alone, at a table in a darken part of a room, drinking his ale.  Maybe at the helm of his ship as she sailed gracefully through the waters.  Secluded from his friends, associates, and crewmembers what did Captain Burns think about the members of his crew that were being held in Dartmoor Prison?  By himself near the end of his life, walking alone along the shoreline, listening only to his private thoughts, some of these men may have been on his mind and how their sacrifices did not go unnoticed, at least not by him.

The following list of names, being presented as compiled for the first time, are of Captain Burns’ crewmembers and other North Carolinians who served in battle and died for their country as American Prisoners of War between 1812-1815: 

Name:   P.O.W.#: Position: Vessel:  Date Died: Home Port:

Clark, Simon  4202367  Seaman  Snapdragon  24 Jan 1815  N.C.

Fulford, {Frilford} Joseph 4202354 Seaman   Snapdragon  27 Jan 1815  N.C.

Hopson, John   4202337  Seaman  Snapdragon  14 Mar 1815  N.C.

Meads, William  4303271  Seaman  Snapdragon  24 Jul 1815  N.C.

Miller, Richard  4202351  Seaman  Snapdragon  20 Nov 1814  Penn  **

** No official explanation can be located to explain how R. Miller enlisted onto the Snap Dragon.

========================================================

Addition sailors, from the state of North Carolina, who died within Dartmoor Prison:

Name:   P.O.W.#: Position: Vessel:  Date Died: Home Port:

Adams, James  4404851  Seaman  Greyhound  06 Nov 1814  N.C.

Adams, William  4404848  Seaman  Hawk   24 Apr 1815  N. C.

Brien, Lewis   4303549  Seaman  Hawk   05 Nov 1814  N.C.

Coleman, William  4303547  Seaman  Hawk   05 Nov 1814  N.C.

Gayler, James   4302541  Seaman  America  03 Dec 1814  N.C.

Harrison, Samuel  4303571  Seaman  Hawk   06 Jan 1815  N.C.

Johnson, Wm Alexan. 4303574  Seaman  William  02 Nov 1814   N.C.

Kitre, Dumpy   4100491  Seaman  Paul Jones  23 Dec 1814  N.C.

Rogers, Luke   4404856  Seaman  Fairy   13 Nov 1814  N.C.

Tyren, William  4100412  Seaman  Viper   25 Feb 1814  N.C.

[Compiled by: Jack Robinson, 9 June 2008]

[http://my.execpc.com/~sril/dartmoor/d_pow.htm 9 June 2008]

With its curved teak scroll arms and gently arched woven frame, the Symphony armchairs and matching round dining table look at home in the garden. (http://www.gloster.com/)

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-"Good design is all about attention to detail," says Michael Glassman, award-winning landscape designer and co-host on the Discovery Home Channel. "When creating an outdoor room, the final elements are the outdoor furniture and accessories." Here is a list of helpful design tips when selecting outdoor furniture:

1. Comfort-In a recent national telephone survey of 1,000+ households commissioned by the American Home Furnishings Alliance, most Americans stated that comfort was the most important characteristic in selecting furniture. Whether it is a chair used while eating, a chaise lounge with an accent table for relaxing, or a sofa and loveseat used while engaging in conversation, furniture must be comfortable. Always test-drive the furniture before you buy it. Sit in it, lie on it and envision it in your personal space.

Right:  This 48-inch-square umbrella table features a sleek, modern look with an iron woven mesh top and matching dining chairs. (www.woodard-furniture.com)

2. Scale-Know your outdoor space. Make sure that your furniture fits the scale of your project. Measure the size of your entertainment space, draw the area to scale and lay out your furniture design. (Also visit AHFA's Web site at www.findyourfurniture.com and try out the Room Planner feature to create blueprints of your space and move the furniture around to create a variety of different arrangements.)

3. Style-Make sure that the style of your furniture is compatible with the style of your outdoor space. Whether you use wood, wrought iron, wicker, aluminum or mixed materials, the style of your furniture must fit the overall ambiance of your setting. Furniture in all of these materials can be found in rustic, casual, formal and modern styles, making it a breeze to find pieces that complement your outdoor design.

4. Sustainable-Think quality. A good piece of furniture can give you years of function, comfort and enjoyment. You may pay more for good quality, but in the long run it will last for many years and save you money by not having to be replaced. This is a fundamental principle of sustainability.

5. Design Solution-Your choice of specific furniture pieces could be a problem solver or provide a solution to a challenging space. For example, a teak storage bench can double as a table, seat, ice chest or storage for cushions when it rains. A baker's rack can be used to accent potted plants, provide storage for place mats or dishes, or display art pieces, as well as create interest on a blank wall. A daybed can serve as additional seating as well as act as a sleeping bed in the evening.

6. Focal Point-Shop for a focal point that personalizes your outdoor space. An interesting piece of art, an unusual fountain, a vibrant sofa, a stylish chair, an artistic coffee table or a warm firepit could serve as the key element that transforms your outdoor space into a stylish oasis.

The St. Lucia rocker is full of cottage charm. The powder-coated aluminum frame and handwoven resin wicker are well suited for coastal climates. (www.telescope casual.com)

Upgrading your beauty routine can help you get your hair, skin and nails back into shape after months of summer fun.

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-Fun in the sun may add to your summer glow, but the sun, beach and pool can all have a negative impact on your beauty routine. The effects of the great outdoors and less time spent on your beauty routine can cause a new set of issues for hair, skin and nails.

After months of neglect, how do we repair the damage and prepare for fall? Ernie McCraw, director of beauty education for Sally Beauty Supply, has some great tips to get us ready for fall.

¥ Battling the effects of chlorine, salt and sun. If your hair has suffered too much chlorine, salt and sun exposure, schedule an appointment with your stylist to trim off dead and damaged ends. A simple trim will do wonders for the look and feel of your hair. After your trim, bring it back to its former glory with Purifying Solutions by Ion(r) Anti-Chlorine Swimmer's Shampoo, Conditioner and Leave-In Conditioner. These products remove any "swimmer's green" and deeply condition to help repair damage caused by summer activities.

¥ Continuing your summer glow. Bring your skin back to beautiful and even out a fading tan by stepping up your use of exfoliating products like Tanwise Body Polish. To extend your tan throughout the year, try Tanwise Self Tanning Cloths. Wipes are quick and easy, dry quickly, and add just a hint of color.

¥ Getting your feet back into shape. Walking in sand is a great exfoliant but not everyone is lucky enough to live by the beach, and a summer spent strutting around the pool can really run your feet ragged. Smooth out those rough edges by slathering on Heel to Toe(tm) Spa Pedicure Collection Cucumber Heel Treatment to soften and moisturize. To complete the look, trade in your summer pinks and coral nail polishes for this fall's earthy and metallic tones. Try China Glaze Nail Polish in Long Kiss or Finger Paints in Fool's Gold.

Ernie McCraw is a licensed cosmetologist and director of beauty education for Sally Beauty Supply, the world's largest distributor of professional beauty products. With more than 25 years in the beauty industry, Ernie has expertise in all phases of cosmetology.

If you have a beauty question, please e-mail Ernie at asksally@sallybeauty. com. To find a Sally store near you, call (800) ASK-SALLY or go to www.sallybeauty.com.

It's easy to add a touch of personal style to your bathroom with a few accent pieces.

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-Every year, Americans spend millions of dollars remodeling their bathrooms, replacing fixtures and vanities and purchasing high-end accessories. But there's a lot you can do to transform the look of your bathroom from the past owner's color palette into a modern and clean style of your own-even when your budget is tight. All you need is some paint and a little imagination. Here are a few ideas from the experts at Rust-Oleum:

Don't replace. Refinish. Replacing bathroom fixtures is one of the most expensive projects associated with a bathroom remodel and replacing bathroom tiles often requires the services of a contractor. But now, thanks to advances in paint technology, you can change the color of your bathtub, sink, toilet and tile or simply give them a "like new" finish without busting your budget. Products like Rust-Oleum Specialty Tub & Tile Refinishing Kit feature a self-leveling epoxy acrylic formula that acts and looks like porcelain and ceramic. Available in the most popular colors for bathtubs and tiles-White, Almond and Biscuit-the kit makes it easy for even inexperienced do-it-yourselfers to get professional results on ceramic, porcelain and fiberglass fixtures.

Create a custom vanity. You don't have to replace your vanity to give it a custom look.

Transforming your old vanity is easy and fun thanks to products like Rust-Oleum Countertop Coating. It's available in 16 custom colors to match any bathroom decor. Want to soothe your soul and create a relaxing space? Cool colors, like blues and greens, create a peaceful, relaxed atmosphere. So try Meadow or Palest Blue. Or for a cozy and casual feel, choose neutral colors like Canvas or Cobblestone.

Don't forget the walls. A fresh coat of paint is one of the simplest ways to update the look of your bathroom. In bathrooms and other high-humidity areas, try a paint that offers protection against the growth of mold and mildew, like Perma-White Mold & Mildew-Proof Interior Paint, for a paint job that will stay looking beautiful for years.

Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize. It's easy to add a touch of personal style to your bathroom with a few accent pieces. Why not paint your old toothbrush holder, towel racks and soap dispensers with Painter's Touch spray paint in a soothing color like Natural Denim or Key Lime? Or create custom picture frames, shelves and even plastic tissue covers or trash cans by painting them with Rust-Oleum's new Universal Silver Hammered spray paint. Universal is great for any surface-wood, metal, plastic and more. And just one coat will unify mismatched pieces and give them a trendy finish.

For more inspiration and project ideas, visit www.paintideas.com.

Limiting household chemical use might help keep children safe.

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-Pound for pound, kids eat, drink and breathe much more than adults and are therefore exposed proportionately to more contaminants that food, beverages or the air might contain. Children also live and play at ground level where many pollutants tend to settle, making them more vulnerable to common household hazards.

That's the discomforting news. The good news is that creating a safe, healthy home environment doesn't have to be a challenge. Try these tips for a kid-healthy home:

¥ Use cleaning products made from natural, nontoxic, plant-derived, biodegradable ingredients and essential oils. They won't leave behind harmful chemical residues or pollute indoor air.

¥ Choose natural baby and personal care products. Choices like Seventh Generation's Free & Clear line of products and chlorine-free diapers and wipes don't expose your children to toxins.

¥ Don't use pesticides or chemical flea and tick preparations for pets, including flea collars, shampoos and treatments.

¥ Be wary of soft, flexible plastic and vinyl toys, and polymer clay products. These sometimes contain toxic chemicals called phthalates, which can leak out of items that contain them.
¥ Let fresh air into your home regularly. A good healthy air exchange is the best way to rinse out indoor air pollution.

¥ Store food and pack lunches in No. 1, No. 2, No. 4 or No. 5 plastic containers, which are less likely to leak chemicals.

¥ Become an educated shopper. Look for products that clearly list all of their ingredients and explain claims like "safe for the environment." Be aware of terms like "natural" and "environmentally friendly," which are unregulated and can mean anything.

One company that consistently educates consumers about maintaining a healthy, living home for children is Vermont-based Seventh Generation, which is committed to becoming the world's most trusted brand of authentic, safe and environmentally responsible products, including a line for babies.

For 20 years, Seventh Generation has been at the forefront of a cultural change in consumer behavior and business ethics. Its founder and president, Jeffrey Hollender, is a business leader dedicated to safe and healthy products.

"Our products touch families, literally, every day. So we bring children's well-being and environmental health to the forefront in all we do," said Hollender.

For more information on cleaning tips for a healthy home, environmentally responsible baby products and details on joining the "Seventh Generation Nation" community, visit the Web site www.seventhgeneration.com.

We have been hearing a lot about the energy crisis lately. Not a lack of energy, but it’s cost. Every politician, every news media person and every environmentalist has their own unique and politically correct solution if the general public was only smart enough to get it.

When I worked at the telephone company, occasionally somebody in public relations, or human resources, or marketing, or accounting would come up with some technological idea that sounded good but, from a technical, cost or managerial perspective was impractical, impossible or silly. Sometimes they were all three. If the person who suggested it was of a high rank, we spent, or rather, wasted, time “studying” the feasibility of their whim.

Public comments about what to do about the energy crisis make me feel like I’m living my life all over again.

Indulge me while I go over some basics. Newton’s law of motion states that it would require a fixed amount of energy to propel, say a 3000 pound vehicle, from zero to sixty in 3.5 seconds. Or to travel 500 miles. The amount energy used is the same whether its electricity, gravity, wind, gasoline, jet fuel, diesel or political hot air.

T Boone Pickens’ idea about using wind power to produce electricity is the most wildly impractical I have heard. His 4000KW windmill farm will occupy 8600 acres and it will produce 4000KW only 20% of the time! As any weather forecaster knows, the wind is a fickle thing. Let’s say you’re buying your household electricity from T. Boone Pickens and the wind chooses to blow it’s daily 20% at the required velocity for five hours today between midnight and five a.m. The rest of that day you have to pump your own water, cook in a wood cook stove and fan yourself to keep cool in the hot Texas midday. There is no reason to believe enough wind would blow every day, or even every month. That 20% might come during the week you went to the beach.

Although it’s a boon to corn farmers, it takes almost as much energy to extract usable energy from corn as the energy you get.

But the silliest, most airhead, solution is the electrical automobile. Let’s say they invent a battery with enough electrical storage to propel a 3000 pound car 500 miles at normal highway speeds on one charge. (The GM test model is already all the way up to 40 miles.) This will take the same equivalent amount of energy as it would using gasoline. How many people do you know who have free electricity? Let’s say you arrive at your destination, check in at the local Holiday Inn and ask to charge your car’s batteries.

Folks, they are not going to just give you that energy. As a matter of fact, I bet it would cost more to “fill up” your batteries than to buy a tank of gas. Plus it would probably take all night. You’d have to hire a taxi to take you to dinner. And when you get back home, think how much your electric bill will go up with a $50.00 battery recharge twice a week. But, you say, at least we won’t be funding Arab terrorism when we buy Arab oil at exorbitant prices.

True. I’m with you there. But, how will we generate all that electricity? Nuclear power? Environmentalists oppose nuclear power. Obama has said he opposes nuclear power. Coal power? The environmentalists and the Democrats get apoplectic when you mention coal power plants. How about hydro-electric power? We don’t have enough waterways that we can reasonably dam. Plus, the environmentalists are pressing the government to stop using hydroelectric power and we have already demolished existing hydroelectric dams.

We could use ocean currents and tidal power but that would injure fish, change ocean currents and affect the climate.

Where will the energy come from?

Not to mention all the taxes from motor fuel sales that build and maintain the nation’s highways. If you had an electric car, they would add a meter at your house to measure how much current you use to charge your car batteries and tax you for it.

It’s time to get real and drill for more of our own oil. Or continue to buy oil from our enemies. Or buy a mule, a water pump with a handle, a wood cook stove and a fan.

Gene Alston

Members of the community are cordially invited to a very special celebration.  On Friday, September 12th at 5PM, the North Carolina Coastal Land Trust and members of the Foy family dedicate Abbey Nature Preserve to the citizens and visitors of Pender County.

Located adjacent to historic Poplar Grove Plantation, the Abbey Nature Preserve is a passive nature park.  It includes hiking trails, a beautiful boardwalk overlooking the historic millpond, and other tranquil recreation opportunities.  

This beautiful, pristine environment will be forever protected by the North Carolina Coastal Land Trust and the North Carolina Clean Water Management Trust Fund.  The large, 67 acre site, has been set aside for the enjoyment of present and future generations, through the thoughtful, generosity of the Foy family.  Dedicated memory of Margaret Abbey Foy Moore, it truly is a precious gift to the community.

Please come and join the North Carolina Coastal Land Trust and members of the Foy family, on Friday, September 12th at 5 pm for the official opening and dedication.   Parking will be in Historic Poplar Grove Plantation’s north parking lot.  From there you may walk or board a shuttle to the ceremony at the turnaround.  All are invited to take a self-guided walking tour afterward.

Dedication of the
Abbey Nature Preserve
Poplar Grove Plantation
10200 US Highway 17 N., Wilmington
Friday, September 12, 2008
5:00 pm - Dedication at Abbey Nature Preserve turnaround
5:30-6:30 pm - Self-guided walking tours

Congressman McIntyre stated, “Our VFDs’ are on the front lines of safety, and these federal funds will help Maple Hill in meeting the challenges of protecting their community.  Congratulations to all who have worked to secure these funds.  It is good to see efforts being made to enhance public safety and improve our citizens’ lives.”

The United States Department of Agriculture Rural Development has awarded Maple Hill a loan of $160,000 and a grant of $31,700 to purchase a new 1250 GPM pumper/fire truck.  This new vehicle will replace an older model that has become obsolete.  The new fire vehicle will allow the fire department to improve their response time, their efficiency, and possibly their insurance rating.  An improvement in insurance rating would mean an insurance premium reduction for each of the 2263 residents in the fire district. 

Congressman McIntyre is Chairman of the House Agriculture Subcommittee on Rural Development.

Family-friendly ice shows featuring favorite characters such as Tinker Bell can be a great way to spend time together.

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-Looking for ways to spend quality time with children is often the highest priority for parents and the Feld family. Kenneth and his daughters, Nicole and Alana, have made the search easier with their many kid-friendly live productions.

Kenneth Feld and Nicole Feld have worked together to produce Disney's High School Musical: The Ice Tour-and the two recently helped to reinvent what has been billed as The Greatest Show On Earth,(r) Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey(r) circus, for the iPod generation and their families.

"Our goal was to make families-and even the most media-savvy preteens-sit up and take notice," says Nicole Feld.

Before pairing with his daughters, Kenneth Feld produced over 30 family-friendly shows, including a number of productions currently touring the globe. They include Disney On Ice presents Mickey & Minnie's Magical Journey and a Disneyland Adventure.

But now, in addition to the circus and High School Musical: The Ice Tour, he and Nicole Feld have put their famous touches on this year's Disney On Ice presents Worlds of Fantasy. The show includes the Disney Fairies from the upcoming Walt Disney Pictures Tinker Bell release, lovable characters such as Lightning McQueen and Mater from Disney/Pixar's Cars, and favorites from Disney's The Lion King and The Little Mermaid.

The show is accompanied by a Disney Princess Preshow that lets children and parents enjoy an exclusive collection of enchanting Disney Princess gowns and mementos.

Kenneth Feld and his daughter Alana Feld produced and marketed the successful Doodlebops Live! tour. The two are also presenting Playhouse Disney Live!, a stage show featuring a compilation of favorite characters from the Disney Channel that's touring more than 75 U.S. cities, as well as Disney Live! Winnie the Pooh.

Other Feld family shows bring the magic of Disney to fans as well. They include:

¥  Disney On Ice celebrates 100 Years of Magic featuring Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Goofy, all the beloved Disney Princesses and others. There are also exciting moments from Disney/Pixar's Toy Story, Finding Nemo and more.

¥  A Disneyland Adventure with Mickey and Minnie featuring a Jungle Cruise with Baloo, a blast with Buzz Lightyear on Space Mountain and a spin on the Mad Tea Party with Alice and the Mad Hatter.

¥  Children and parents can also join Mickey and Minnie on a journey into the magical worlds of Disney's The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, Lilo & Stitch and more. Fans are captivated by the music, beauty and laughter in Mickey & Minnie's Magical Journey.

To learn more, visit www.feldentertainment.com.

If the men you date come on strong and then seem to lose interest, Jade Brode's new book is a must-read.

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-If you've noticed that more women are getting married lately, it could be because of the popularity of a book that shows what high-achieving women must know in order to succeed in dating and marrying men of value.

In that book, "Marry the Man of Your Dreams" (Ingram), author Jade Brode says that successful dating is similar to going on a job interview; it requires hard work and self-discipline. According to Brode, "Once a man reaches maturity, there is more to capturing his heart than beauty and instant sex."

In her book, Brode addresses what makes men tick and gives invaluable advice and insight into the hows and whys of finding ways to succeed with men of high value. From issues such as personal hygiene, clothing and personal habits to sex, money management, family and friends, Brode helps women assess what they need to change. She says that women need to use their brains and set high standards. Only then will they be valued by someone else.

Among the magic steps that lead to the altar, Brode suggests that you:

¥ Spellbind him by looking him in the eye while listening.
¥ Insist that your date arrives on time-if he does not, don't be there when he does arrive.
¥ Set boundaries on the first date, not after the wedding.
¥ Expect the same consideration he gives his boss.
¥ Create a "No!" chart-and then follow it!

As for some of the don'ts:

¥ Do not chase him. You are in charge of the relationship.
¥ Do not accept last-minute invitations.
¥ Do not put lots of bumper stickers and decals on your car.
¥ Sex is not a recreational drug-save it for last.

Jade Brode has spent years counseling women in the entertainment and business world who were successful in their careers but failing with men. The women she worked with credit Jade's counseling style with changing their lives.

Critics report that Jade Brode's new book will help women who tend to strike out before getting to the altar.

Her book is now available in bookstores. To learn more, visit www.marrythemanofyourdreams.org.

Looking to get married on our beautiful Topsail Island?  Click here.

Finding the right dog for you may be just a click away.

Topsail Island, NC (NAPSA)-There's good news, bad news and better news about pets.
The good news: A recent report by the American Veterinary Medical Association found that about 63 percent of all households in the United States have a pet.

The bad news: 5 to 7 million companion animals enter animal shelters nationwide every year and about 3 to 4 million are euthanized.

The better news: One solution to reduce the number of pet deaths is adoption.

Adopting a dog is a life-changing event. Dogs need lots of time and attention, requiring owners to be there every day. Therefore, it's critical to find out whether you're actually ready for a dog or would be happier with a goldfish instead.

"Making sure people are fully prepared to adopt a dog means a happier home and longer life for the dog," said dog expert Trevor Wright. "Taking the time to thoughtfully consider if you are ready can reduce the number of abandoned and neglected pets."

Here are a few things to consider when adopting a dog:

1. Are your children ready? Babies and toddlers can't be trained as easily as dogs, which is why many experts recommend waiting until children are at least 8 years old before bringing a canine into the mix. If you're set on getting a dog and have small children in the house, consider adopting an easygoing adult dog who'll need less attention than a growing puppy.

2. Is the decision to adopt unanimous? Dogs shed, bark and can be messy. Unless the whole household is fond of your dog, it's easy for resentment to build. It also makes it hard to set and enforce house rules, such as whether the dog can join you on the couch.

3. Consider the costs. On average, expect to spend about $800 during the first year of your dog's life. If you live in a city where vet costs are higher, work full-time and need backup care, and want to give him at least a few treats, it can easily climb to $1,200 to $1,800 annually.

4. No yard? No problem. Some people believe a fenced-in yard is critical to having a dog. In fact, a yard can become an excuse for not walking or exercising your dog daily. Dogs spending most of their time in the backyard miss out on meeting other dogs and people, which keeps them happy and well socialized.

Wright's company, DogTime, an online pet network, has created powerful tools in the fight against abandoned and neglected dogs. "Are You Ready?" is an online quiz to determine if you are ready to bring a dog into your home. After answering multiple-choice questions, you can link to "DogFinder MatchUp" to help determine what kind of dog is right for you based on your personality.

Learn More

For more information, visit http://www.dogtime.com

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-Small steps can help reduce your family's carbon footprint-that all-important measure of your effect on the environment.

Still, the average American generates 20 tons of carbon dioxide-a heat-trapping greenhouse gas-every year, according to the Union of Concerned Scientists (UCS). That's about the same amount as three new cars.

Try these tips for helping your family go green: 

Green Light

Using an energy-saving compact fluorescent bulb rather than a traditional incandescent bulb is a quick way to make a big difference. UCS says that if every family in America switched just one bulb in their house, carbon dioxide emissions would drop by more than 90 billion pounds-the same as taking 7.5 million cars off the road.

Shop Smart

Environmentally friendly choices in the grocery store can help reduce the amount of trash your family generates. For instance, Chinet Classic White and Chinet Casuals disposable tableware is made from 100 percent preconsumer recycled material that would otherwise go into a landfill. They're certified chlorine-free and are fully biodegradable in your at home composting and can be used in the garden but they're still microwave safe and available in a variety of sizes.

By using recycled materials, Huhtamaki, the company that makes Chinet tableware, saves 3 million trees each year and 65 million gallons of oil, and nearly 1 billion gallons of water-enough to supply a city of 10,000 for a year. These green efforts, along with programs to reduce its pollution and power use, have earned it a number of awards, including the Environmental Protection Agency's (EPA) Environmental Achievement Award. 

Water Wise

The EPA says a leaky faucet can waste more than 3,000 gallons of water annually. If you're wondering if your house has any leaks, check your water meter at the beginning and end of a two-hour period in which no water is used. If the meter reading has changed, you have a leak.

Drive Smart

You can help reduce your vehicle's greenhouse gas emissions by avoiding hard accelerations, reducing time spent idling and unloading unnecessary items in your trunk to reduce weight. Additionally, the EPA says removing a roof rack from your car could improve fuel economy by as much as 5 percent.

For more information, visit www.mychinet.com. 

With all their innards cleaned out, scallops are prized for the white, mild, sweet, adductor muscle that opens and closes their shell.  

Unlike clams and oysters, which we eat whole, the only part of a scallop eaten in the United States is the adductor muscle – the strong muscle that opens and closes the scallop’s shell. Some cultures, however, do indeed consume the entire animal.

Scallops have internal organs like other bivalves – stomach, heart, mantle, gills and then some. These must be cleaned out and the highly-prized adductor muscle cut away from the shell. This is what people mean when talking about ”cleaning” scallops. Locally, this process is also known as “shucking” scallops.

Like their bivalve relatives, scallops are filter feeders, dining on microscopic plants and animals carried on the currents. Three types of scallops are harvested along the East Coast: bay scallops, calico scallops and sea scallops. Only calico and bay scallops are native to North Carolina waters. Sea scallops, the large variety served  in most restaurants, remain an important commercially-landed species in North Carolina, but are most commonly caught from Virginia northward.

Bay scallops are much smaller than sea scallops, and the calico scallop is an offshore variety that mysteriously appears in massive beds off our coast. It’s even smaller than the bay scallop and is harvested by large ocean-going vessels. Both calico and bay scallops are said to be sweeter and more tender than their northern counterparts.

Bay scallops live in grass beds. Because of this habitat requirement, they are found only in two southeastern states – North Carolina and Florida. Bay scallops are both male and female, and spawning takes place at about six months of age. After eggs and sperm are released into the water, larval scallops float on currents for about two weeks before settling into a grass bed to grow their shells. They must grow quickly, as their life span is rarely longer than two years.

Bay scallops once supported a significant fishery in North Carolina  – valued at over a million dollars in 1980 – and were highly sought after by recreational shellfishers. Today, however, the harvest is negligible due to population declines. Some scientists think the demise is because of heavy predation by stingrays. The N.C. Division of Marine Fisheries regulates when scallops can be harvested and in what amounts.

Information provided by the North Carolina Aquarium at Pine Knoll Shores. The state operates three public aquariums; one in Pine Knoll Shores, another at Fort Fisher and a third on Roanoke Island. The aquariums are administered by the North Carolina Department of Environment and Natural Resources, and are designed to inspire appreciation and conservation of North Carolina’s aquatic environment.

For more information about the Aquariums, log onto www.ncaquariums.com, or call 800-832-FISH.  

Thinking like a marketer could help you sell your home.

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-The key to selling your house in today's tough market might be to think like a retailer.

Store owners, unlike most of us, are used to using all the little "tricks" that get buyers to part with their cash. You know, things like pricing something at $49.95 instead of $50. That nickel won't buy a stick of gum, but there's tons of evidence that it works.

Experts say many of those same tactics can help move a home. Try these tips:

Price Pointers

Homeowners considering dropping their asking prices to attract bids should understand how buyers perceive those cuts. A recent study found that if the left digit of two prices remains the same after a discount-say the "9" in $9,111, slashed from $9,222-buyers hone in on the right-hand numbers. And they tend to assume the discount is greater if those right-hand numbers drop from two to one, rather than nine to eight or seven to six. The decline is the same in real dollars, but "people think they're getting a better deal," Robin Coulter, a marketing professor at the University of Connecticut, recently told The Wall Street Journal.

Numbers Game

Trying to settle on an asking price? Vicki Morwitz, a marketing professor at New York University's Stern School of Business, says round numbers, such as $495,000, convey quality and prestige, while a specific number, such as $494,863, makes buyers think "deal." If you're after that quick sale, she told The Journal, "you want to go for a precise number."

Stand Out

This tactic-differentiating your house from the flood of others on the market-has the added advantage of heightening your own positive feelings toward your home in the (entirely possible) event that you wind up staying put for however many years to come. But remember: In this environment, a new coat of paint on the front door won't cut it. Instead, Consumer Reports recommends improvements like adding a new roof to enhance the value of your home.

For instance, GAF-Elk's Timberline roof shingles have become North America's best-selling architectural shingles because homeowners love the wood-shake look they provide without the cost and issues of real wood. And with a Class A fire rating from Underwriters Laboratories (the highest rating possible) and warranties that cover high winds, homes are further protected from nature's elements.  As for "curb appeal"-all-important whether you're looking to attract buyers now or in the future-selecting from colors like slate, weathered wood and charcoal can only help increase the value of your property.

To learn more about these shingles and other GAF-Elk products, visit www.gaf.com. While there, you can use the Virtual Home Remodeler to get more ideas on design elements for the outside of your home. 

Travel expert and mom Emily Kaufman recommends that families take comfort into account when planning vacations.

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-For most families, warm weather means fun time, as kids are trading classrooms for campouts, buses for bikes and math lessons for swimming lessons. It's also the season for family travel-which presents parents with some unique challenges. No matter where you're going, travel expert and mom Emily Kaufman has tips to help every family getaway be what it should be: fun.

Don't Stress

Approach your travel plans with confidence and realism. Be prepared and flexible; there are some things you can't control, such as traffic or delays. When your kids see your confidence, they'll feel safe and can be calm. In case you get stranded in a traffic jam or an airport, pack "boredom bags"-bags filled with age-appropriate toys (books, electronic games, cards) and snacks to appease (and distract) the kids.

Travel Wear Is Not  Your Kids' "Sunday Best"

To ensure a fun start to your trips, start with comfort-a comfortable family is a happy family. Encourage your kids to layer up with tees and hoodies so they're ready for any temperature, from air-conditioned airports to the car's burning backseat.

Vacation In Comfort

"I always make sure Hanes socks, T-shirts and underwear are on my family's packing list and on my family," says Kaufman. "Marked with the Hanes Comfort Fit Promise seal, these essentials fit the best and are supersoft to keep my family comfortable when we're on the move."

Maximize Your Vacation

Walt Disney World(r) Resort has enough fun for multiple vacations, so before arriving, decide on "must-do" adventures: Visit the Rock 'n Roll Coaster(r) presented by Hanes or experience Expedition Everest(tm), but also leave time for discovery and surprises; these make the best memories. Kaufman's favorite insider tip: Disney's FASTPASS(r) to avoid waiting at popular attractions in all four theme parks. Take a ticket with an assigned return time and experience the attraction later in the day with little or no wait.

Hanes is offering families the chance to "Vacation in Comfort" during The Year of A Million Dreams at Walt Disney World Resort. See specially marked packages of Hanes products for information on how to enter and your chance to win a Walt Disney World vacation.
The contest runs from June through August 30, 2008, and seven winning families will be drawn on Sunday, September 21. Visit http://www.hanes.com/vacationincomfort for details and to enter.

by Carter Oosterhouse

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-More than ever, Americans are looking to "green" their lifestyles; however, they are often confused by abundant and conflicting messages. To help clear up the confusion, HGTV has teamed up with the Natural Resources Defense Council on the Change the World. Start at Home campaign to provide simple steps on how to live a more eco-friendly life and reduce our collective impact on the environment.

Simple steps can truly make a big difference. For instance, if Americans recycled 32 percent of their garbage, it would save 49 million metric tons of carbon from being emitted into the air-the energy equivalent of saving 11 billion gallons of gasoline.

Renewable and Reusable Resources

It is an oldie but a goody: Recycle, reuse and renew!

Choosing water bottles made from renewable resources or reusable materials, such as aluminum, saves groundwater from being polluted, since manufacturing just one plastic bottle pollutes 25 liters of water.

Twelve million barrels of oil were used to make the 88.5 billion plastic bags consumed in the United States last year, so carry a reusable bag with you for groceries, shopping, and take-out food.

Green Home

Changing the world can start at home.

If every U.S. household replaced just one roll of 1,000-sheet virgin fiber bathroom tissues with 100 percent recycled rolls, we could save 373,000 trees, 1.48 million cubic feet of landfill space, and 155 million gallons of water.

Americans use an average of 25 gallons of toxic chemical products each year in their homes, most of which are in household cleaning products and many of which can harm your health.
Clean your home with non-toxic and natural cleaning products. Just about anything can be cleaned with white vinegar and baking soda-and a few drops of lemon or your favorite essential oil makes things smell fresh and clean without the use of harsh, toxic chemicals.

Save Money and the Environment

A few easy changes can make a big difference in your energy bill and in the amount of pollutants emitted into the air.

Replacing a regular lightbulb with a compact fluorescent lamp can save you $30 to $60 on electricity during its lifetime and keep one ton of global warming pollution out of the air.
Screen savers-or any moving images on your monitor-can cost an extra $50 or more of electricity a year. Start by turning off your screen saver and cut even more energy that your computer uses by putting it in sleep mode when it is not in use.

Visit HGTV Change the World. Start at Home Web site at www.hgtv.com/changetheworld for additional green living tips.

Carter Oosterhouse is the expert craftsman of HGTV's "Carter Can" and "Red, Hot and Green" and host of the "HGTV Green Home Giveaway."

Carter Oosterhouse

Lemon Garlic Chicken can be a quick, nutritious family favorite.

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-During the week when time is short, it's a good idea to have a few recipes on hand that will put a nutritious and tasty meal on the table in less than half an hour.
Simple ingredients cooked up with readily available basics, such as garlic and rice, could help save time.

For instance, this recipe makes a complete meal and begins with the convenience of chicken breasts. Lemon, garlic and smoky cumin are the basic flavors for a quick sautŽ. The addition of carrots cooked in the same pan along with the chicken and seasonings brings the flavors through. Served over rice spiked with natural raisins, this is a satisfying meal that also delivers excellent nutrition.

For more quick and nutritious meals, visit www.SunMaid.com.

Lemon Garlic Chicken
 
 2 tablespoons olive oil
 2 cloves garlic, minced
 2 teaspoons ground cumin
 4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts
 ? cup fresh lemon juice
 1/2 teaspoon freshly grated lemon zest
 2 cups sliced carrots
  Salt and freshly ground pepper
 3 cups hot, cooked brown rice
 1/2 cup Sun-Maid Natural Raisins
 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley or cilantro

Heat oil in a heavy frying pan over medium heat; add garlic and cumin and sautŽ until aromatic, about 2 minutes.

Add chicken breasts and sautŽ about 2 minutes, turning chicken over to brown on all sides. Add lemon juice and bring mixture to simmer.

Cover and simmer 20 to 30 minutes until chicken is fully cooked, adding lemon zest and carrots after 10 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Combine cooked rice, raisins and parsley. Serve chicken over rice. Serves 4.

Nutrients per Serving: Calories 583; Protein 60g; Fat 11.3g (Sat. Fat 2g); Carbohydrate 57g; Dietary Fiber 6.3g; Cholesterol 137mg; Sodium 212mg

According to a recent survey of headache sufferers, stress and tension came out on top as the main cause. Of those surveyed who have used a headache powder, 69 percent said the powders worked fast.

Topsail Island, NC - (NAPSA)-The next time you feel a headache coming on, you won't be alone. According to the National Headache Foundation (www.headaches.org), one in six people-or 45 million people in the United States-suffers from reoccurring headaches each year, and they spend more than $4 billion every year on over-the-counter pain relievers.

Stress is the No. 1 cause of headaches, according to a recent Synovate eNation survey, followed by allergies, fatigue, dehydration and alcohol.

In the survey, 69 percent of consumers said that headache powders worked fast. A powder dissolves faster than tablets. Goody's Cool Orange Headache Powder offers temporary relief of minor aches and pains due to headaches, minor body aches and fever.

According to Douglas Hoey, R.Ph. of the National Community Pharmacists Association, it's the format that the headache powder comes in that makes all the difference. "The powder format dissolves faster than tablets. Additionally, the orange flavor makes taking it more pleasant and it is convenient to carry around in the single-dose stick packs."

Visit www.goodyspowder.com for more information.

Dr. Michael Salzhauer has written a children’s book explaining why mommy is having plastic surgery. It targets children ages 4-7.

Frederic J. Baur, designer of the Pringles potato chip can, had his cremated remains buried in a Pringles can. They didn’t say if it had been used or not.

Smoking costs more in New York City. New taxes raised the price of a pack to $10.00. That’s fifty cents for each cigarette.

Lillian Cox of Florida, who is 101, got her driver’s license renewed for three years.

Speaking of ashes, somebody stole rocker Kurt Cobain’s ashes. Courtney Love, his widow, kept them in a bear-shaped handbag in her home. If the thief was expecting money to be in that bear handbag, I bet he was real surprised. I’d prefer the Pringle can myself.

Viagra is hugely popular in Arab countries. 35 million Arab men have used it at least 50 times.

 Spam is selling like hotcakes. Hormel says sales of Spam are up 9% this year. A lot of people think Spam was an Army food item in C-rations but it never was. But a lot of Spam was sent to Russia and the European countries during and after the war.

The Lantana, TX, police responded to an alarm at a convenience store to find that the newly-hired clerk thought the alarm button was a “fragrance button” to make the store smell better.

I bet you didn’t know this Dept:

Aperiodic patterns are tile patterns that never repeat.

An Indiana man drilled an oil well in his backyard. He struck oil and gets about three barrels of oil a day. He spent a hundred thousand dollars drilling it.

One in four children in the United States under 18 is Hispanic.

The latest woman’s purse thing is a Chanel 2.55 ankle bag just big enough to hold lip-gloss and a credit card. It costs a mere $1,385.00. You can order one at Chanel.com.

I bet you already knew this

Belgian researchers have proven that using a pretty girl in a bikini in an advertisement makes men spend money on anything.

John Speakman of the University of Aberdeen in the U.K. has studied people’s eating habits and found the reason people get fat is because they eat too much.

Science writer Faye Flam has written a book called The Score that says men chase after sex by engaging in risky activities to impress women. Her addition to the current conventional wisdom is that men have been doing it for thousands of years. No kidding!

Interesting New Stuff

A Swiss pilot named 'Yves Rossy' has invented a personal jet-powered flying wing. You just strap it on and fly off under the power of four small turbo-jet engines at speeds up to 186 miles per hour. He banked, turned, did figure eights and a 360-degree roll before he landed.  He said it was a lot like flying on a motorbike. It cost $285,000.00.

Playwright David Mamet is working on a couple of comic strips. One has a hero named “Napman.” Napman’s nemesis is Bugler. The other one has “Space Heron” whose nemesis is Fluffy, the Alarm Clock. Mamet writes for a living but he confesses he’d rather be a fireman.

Setting High Standards

Alanna McCauley of Queens, NY, has never missed a day of school since she started kindergarten in 1995. She graduated from St. Mary’s High School this year.

The Democratic Party won’t eat fried foods and won’t use plastic plates and bottles or imported food at their convention in Colorado. They specified only local and organic food served on recyclable and compostable plates, utensils and containers to feed 50,000 delegates, guests and journalists. I guess a lot of elk and buffalo meat will be consumed.

A New York Congressman, Anthony Weiner, introduced legislation to set aside 1,000 visas for international fashion models. The congressman is single.

Not setting High Standards

Schools around the country are changing grading policies to make 50 the lowest grade a student can make. You can’t get a 0 anymore. When I was going to school I couldn’t have anyway. My parents saw to that. Actually, as far as they were concerned, a 50 would have been just as bad. Educators said that the change would encourage better student performance.

With logic like that, it is apparent that today’s educators got a lot of below 50 grades themselves and felt bad about it. I guess they found it difficult to master hard subjects. Plus it’s hard to teach it if you don’t know it yourself. Just how low can our public education go before somebody does something?

The U.N. Special Rapporteur on Contemporary Forms of Racism, Racial Discrimination, Xenophobia and Related Intolerance (SRCFRRDXRI) is coming to the United States at the invitation of the United States Government. He will visit Washington D.C., New York, Chicago, Omaha, Los Angeles, New Orleans, Miami and San Juan in Puerto Rico. His mission is to “gather first hand information on racism in the United States. His name is Doudou Diene. He’s a lawyer. He’s from the African nation of Senegal!

Bennett Christensen, who is six years old, was approved for a credit card with a $600.00 limit. He listed his birth year as 2002 and his income as $0.00.

Global Warming gadfly, Al Gore’s, energy consumption at his spacious mansion increased 10% in 2007. He consumes 50% more electricity in a month than the average American uses in a year.

A high profile obscenity trial in Los Angeles was declared a mistrial when it was discovered that Judge Alex Kozinski maintains a pornographic website.

The police suspect that Julie Neumar murdered all five of her husbands. She contacted a North Carolina informer about doing a contract killing on her fourth husband. He reported it to the local police but nothing was done.

Pillsbury, North Dakota, is in a constitutional crisis because none of its 25 registered voters voted in the recent elections. “They just forgot,” incumbent Mayor Darrel Brudevold said.

It has been reported that nearly three out of five recent college graduates are returning home to live with mama and daddy. They have no dreams of their own, no aspirations and no desire for personal independence.

Another sign of the times: The out of wedlock birthrate in the U.S. is 38%. 28% for whites, 50 for Hispanics and 71% for blacks.

One in four adults in New York City is infected with genital herpes. No wonder former Governor Elliott Spitzer used high-end call girls.

A rash of Muslim girls are having plastic surgery done to return them to virginity before they marry.

Stuff Happens

In Tirana, Albania, a cat was chasing a mouse around a main electrical power station. They got tangled up in the cables and shorted the system out causing a three day blackout. The cat and the mouse got fried.

A new and devious secret weapon: Somebody in Russia launched a remote controlled flying penis  during an anti-government speech by Gary Kasparov, the famous chess champion. Kasparov said the stunt proved that his enemies would strike “below the belt.”

A 50 year-old Saudi woman is suing her husband for divorce because he lifted her veil and looked at her while she was sleeping. Think of the possibilities. Several women could pose as an Arab man’s wife and he might never know. The report didn’t mention why, after all these years, he had an urge to look at her. He has promised never to do it again. You and I know why.

Nicole Kidman’s husband, Keith Urban, took her to the Cracker Barrel Restaurant in Crossville, Tennessee. When she was served, she complained about the food and stormed out of the restaurant. He followed her outside and they had a heated argument. Men, aren’t you glad you aren’t married to her! 

A Croatian woman named Hediva Golik, who was missing for 42 years, has been found…in her home. Sitting in front of an old black and white television. Police finally broke down the door to her apartment and found her mummified corpse.

Just Plain Odd

A piglet in England who was scared of mud has been fitted with miniature rubber boots so he could frolic in the mud with his brothers and sisters.

John Odom, a minor league baseball pitcher, was traded to the Laredo Broncos by the Calgary Vipers for….ten maple baseball bats. His new nickname is “Bat Man.” Insiders say trading players for stuff is not that unusual. Players have been traded for uniforms, oysters and sides of beef.